How often do you pause to consider not just what your clients achieve, but what it feels like to be coached by you.
Coaching is never neutral. Even with the best intentions, our tone, pace, questions, and silences shape the space. Every prompt, pause, and smile nudges the conversation in subtle ways. That influence can be deeply supportive or, unintentionally, a little pressuring.
The Quiet Power We Hold
As coaches, we naturally hold power: we frame the session, invite reflection, and decide where to linger or move on. Most of the time, that influence is used with care and integrity. Still, it’s worth asking: when might our preferences steer the work in a direction our clients didn’t choose? Common patterns to watch for:
Moving fast toward goals and actions.
An achievement-first mindset that pushes for “bigger and better.”
“Rescuing” or over-supporting.
Seeking to be liked, admired, or thanked.
High self-disclosure—sharing more of your story than the client needs.
Leaning into deep emotion when a client isn’t ready.
Amping up belief—“You’ve got this!”—in ways that crowd out their ambivalence or pace.
Each of these comes from care, enthusiasm, and connection. Overused, they can tip the relationship from curiosity toward coercion—however subtle.
A Five-Minute Self-Check
Try these quick reflections after your next session:
Spot your signature moves: Which of the patterns above showed up today?
Notice pressure points: Where might your pace, energy, or preferences have created even slight pressure?
Add and subtract: What might your client want more of from you? What might they want less of?
Feel into it: If you were the client, how would it feel to be coached by you today?
Name your intention: What one micro-shift will you test next time (e.g., longer pauses, one fewer question, inviting consent before going deeper)?
Why Supervision Helps You See What You Can’t Alone?
Supervision offers a safe, professional container to examine your patterns without judgment. It helps you notice how enthusiasm, empathy, or energy can inadvertently lead the session and shows you new options. This isn’t about finding fault. It’s about building range: the flexibility to match the client’s pace, the ethics to centre their choice, and the skill to use your influence lightly.
An Invitation to Use Power Gently
If you catch yourself thinking, “Coercive? Me? Never.” — treat that as a cue to pause. Ask: How can I use my power more consciously, more softly, and more in service of the client’s growth?
A Simple Practice for Your Next Session
Begin with a shared contract: “What would make today’s conversation most useful for you?”
Check pacing mid-way: “Is our pace working for you, or would you like to slow down or switch gears?”
Close with consent: “Would you like an action, a reflection, or just space to integrate?”
